Picking Yourself Up After Heartbreak

“If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”


There comes a moment in several relationships when someone’s heart is broken to bits. Betrayal, lies, addictions or downright incompatibility — anything can spoil an otherwise incredible love story. When this occurs, and you are left to piece your heart back together, it is vital to take certain steps to close the wound and move on as a wiser person than you were before. 

1. Give yourself time to grieve properly

Absorb all the emotions. Permit yourself to be overwhelmed by them. Stay home and do whatever makes you happy. Catch up with your best friend over WhatsApp Messenger. Submit to the peer pressure of watching the Squid Game on Netflix. Heck, at least one phone call to your family member in which you spend most of the time sobbing is compulsory. 

Listen to a few sad, depressing songs, like Adele’s “Someone Like You” or “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson. Alternatively, lift your spirits by listening to cheerful tracks such as “Happy” by Pharrell Williams. If you prefer to use your hands, indulge in hobbies such as gardening, journaling or cooking. 

The point here is to feel all the feels. “Snap out of it” is a piece of childish advice because everyone grieves differently. Some people can sort themselves out fairly quickly. Others may need weeks, if not months, to escape from their shells. So take your time and do whatever you have to do to heal yourself.

2. Let yourself go and let your friends look after you.

Although one’s happiness is ultimately their own responsibility, sometimes, you need a helping hand. 

When you have just gone through a rough breakup, text your friends daily and ask them whether you have made a mistake that led to the inevitable breakup. Video call them and observe each other shed their tears because of how exploited you feel. Meet up with them only to observe with a feeling of vague and regretful longing into your latte as you speak of your ex. 

Eventually, your friends will get tired of watching you cry and force you to pick yourself up. They will remind you that there is more to life than keeping a mopey attitude. You know you got yourself the best support system when your friends take you out for a hike or to a party. They will take you to all sorts of places, share with you news of the outside world, and their own tales of heartache to make you feel less lonely. 

3. See the light.

You will learn eventually that your ex was not born with a perfect set of teeth, or that she never likes you to hold her hand in public and that she was terrible at giving you quality time. A wise friend will highlight to you that you no longer have to tolerate her problems, and thus, you get to continue with your life uninterrupted. You will have more time and energy to focus on yourself. Better yet, make a list of all the things you have always wanted to do and have fun. You will have lots of time to explore your passion and interests. 

No one said breakups are simple. The emotional tornado that comes will make you doubt everything that makes you, you. However, when all is said and done, you will emerge stronger, more resilient and wiser. 

You have a better understanding of yourself because you confronted your emotions and made them known. Your social connections with others will improve because several kind-hearted people reminded you of all the reasons why you are and will always be enough. And when you are being frank with yourself and have unwavering support from those who love you dearly, you will feel confident to go for new adventures and seek experiences in life that put a smile on your face.

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