Just Keep Swimming

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”

Steve Maraboli

I speak for everyone when I say 2019 was a year to remember. To a certain extent, the same can be said about this year so far. There are memories I made that will stay with me for the rest of my life and others that I wish I could delete. However, as we inch closer to 2022 and the limitless possibilities of new memories in the future, perhaps now is the time to forget, forgive and abandon all the grudges you may be gripping on to for months, if not years. 

How? I have a couple of answers to that. Although it worked for me, it may not work for you because, after all, everyone is different. Nevertheless, I hope the ways listed below would serve as helpful starting points to get things rolling. 

1. View things from a different angle

It is inevitable. People hurt us all the time. However, when it is people we cherish, it can be even harder to accept their apologies, no matter how sincere they may be. 

One way to make this process of forgiving and forgetting easier is to consider a different view on what actually transpired. It can be difficult, yes, but it is worth being empathetic by putting yourself in their shoes.

Are you sure they had the intention to hurt you? If you are confident that they did intend to hurt you, instead of aiming your sights on the negatives, you could observe the outcome and control how you respond to it. Perhaps the circumstances opened your eyes to a lesson that will prove invaluable for the rest of your life. 

By addressing the positive aspects of those circumstances, the process of forgiving, forgetting and moving on will be much easier. 

2. Perfection is an illusion

Always remember: there is no such thing as the perfect human. 

When someone deals you a painful card or does something that you strongly disagree with, it does not take much to harbour an unfavourable opinion about them immediately. 

However, sometimes, that is our impulsive brain talking. Pause for a moment and consider your relationship with this person, whether they are a significant other, a friend, or a family member. 

Consider all the things they have done for you and the good things in your relationship with them. The longer you think about them, the more you realise that the good outweighs the bad. Shortly afterwards, you might come to the realisation that there is no point in keeping the grudge inside your heart any longer. 

Moreover, looking back, have you ever done something to hurt or make this person feel guilty? If that is the case, you may want to think about calling it even and move on, as if it never happened. 

3. Do something constructive

If you are confident that the first two options I have written would not be effective and you will never forgive, forget and remedy the situation with someone, there is another way you can get prevent yourself from being entirely consumed by rage. 

Use your anger or negative feelings and channel them into constructive like exercising, writing, participating in new activities or hustling to achieve an objective. The idea here is to get revenge by improving yourself. 

By keeping yourself occupied, releasing some of that heated emotions and doing things that will make you a better person, you will be content with the outcome, and over time, the grudge you had would not seem so relevant. If you keep yourself busy long enough, that grudge might just disappear without you even knowing. 

It is easy for you to advise other people to forgive and forget. However, it looks easy because you are not the one taking in the advice. Nevertheless, I hope that these three points will assist you in letting go of your grudges, preventing them from eating you inside out and enabling you to confront the future with a positive mentality. 

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